What Is Emotional Releasing?

When I tell people I help them release unwanted emotions, most of them have no idea what I’m talking about.

So let’s clear that up. What do we actually mean when we say “releasing” an emotion?

What releasing is not

First, what it is not. Releasing is not suppressing your emotions. It is not pushing them down, shoving them away, or trying not to think about them. And it is not expressing them in the venting sense, like punching a pillow when you’re angry.

What releasing actually is

What releasing usually means is this: you allow the uncomfortable feeling to come up, and you engage one of several techniques to let it go.

Here is the definition I use. A true emotional release means that when you think that same thought, remember that same memory, or find yourself in that same situation, the feeling no longer comes up. Even when you try to feel it. If you only got part of it, the feeling might come back weaker. But a complete release means that exact emotion is gone from that trigger.

A true emotional release means the feeling no longer comes up, even when you try to feel it.

That is the part most people have never experienced. Someone who has never done any emotional releasing has usually never felt that before, so when I describe it, I am often met with disbelief.

Don’t take my word for it

Which is exactly why I tell people: don’t take my word for it. I don’t want you to believe a word I’m saying. I want you to experience it for yourself and watch your own experience.

Reading about this is one thing. Experiencing it is something else entirely. If you want to feel what a release is actually like, try my free guided release. Bring one thing that’s been weighing on you or frustrating you, and I’ll walk you through releasing it, step by step.

Two ways to begin: tapping and allowing

There are many techniques you can use to release an emotion, and I am not going to cover all of them here. The two I teach beginners most often are a form of tapping (you may know it as EFT, Emotional Freedom Techniques, where you tap on acupressure points on your face and body) and something I call direct allowing.

Direct allowing means bringing up the feeling from a specific memory or thought, and then being so okay with it being there, so non-resistant in that moment, that the feeling runs out on its own.

Both get you to the same result. The feeling runs out, it disappears, and what used to trigger it no longer triggers it.

Why beginners start with tapping

For beginners, I start with tapping well over 90% of the time. The reason is simple. If you don’t know how to ride a bicycle, training wheels make it easy. Tapping is releasing with training wheels. It greatly facilitates the release, and as long as you follow the directions, it usually works out. That is why I am confident using it with beginners.

Direct allowing has more of a learning curve. You have to learn what it feels like to bring up an unwanted emotion and let it be okay for a little while. Almost all of us do the opposite without thinking. We push feelings away, shove them down, try not to think about them, or we get swallowed up by them and act them out. Letting a feeling be fully here without resisting it is a skill, and it is one I teach in full elsewhere.

So when someone asks me what emotional releasing is, that is my definition. A feeling that used to get triggered by a certain situation, met with a technique that causes the emotion to release, so you can no longer feel it there.

Why understanding alone doesn’t change how you feel

This has real power, because most approaches to personal change start with your thoughts. You can learn things about your past. You can gain insight into why you behave certain ways. You can understand that your phobia is irrational. And still feel powerless to change anything on an experiential level, because knowing why you do what you do does not change how you feel in the situation.

Take a spider phobia. You can know, intellectually, that the spider in front of you is harmless and cannot hurt you. That understanding does not take away the reaction stored inside you. Emotional releasing discharges that stored charge, which gives you more and more freedom to feel and act the way you want to feel and act.

Releasing anger won’t make you a doormat

And no, this does not mean you become a doormat. Releasing your anger at someone does not take away your ability to make good choices. You do not need a strong, gripping anger to know the right choice, or to set a boundary, or to stand up for yourself. In fact, being flooded with anger or fear makes it harder to stand up for yourself well. The stronger the anger gets, the more it controls how you respond, and the more likely you are to look back and wish you had used a different tone or different words.

Releasing these feelings is not about changing your choices. As the uncomfortable charges die down and get replaced with more ease and peace and flow, you become more capable of making the right choice. It gets easier to move forward, because you have cleared the resistance that was in the way. You get more clarity, because the smoke screen of negative emotions is no longer blocking the view.

That is what emotional releasing is. If you are watching these videos in order, go ahead and move on to the next one. And if you have not experienced a release yet, that is the step that matters most.